The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
