people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
