I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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