He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
