My brain says no but my pants say off.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
