This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
