I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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