We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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