apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
