I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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