I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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