wanna go halves on a baby?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
