maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
