i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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