so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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