My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
