Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
