I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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