she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
