sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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