Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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