We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
