due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
