She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
