508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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