That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
