Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
