New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
