I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
