oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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