32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
3 2 1 whiskey
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
