Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
