Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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