I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
