mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
