It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
