All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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