is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize