i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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