She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
from now on my penis is your penis
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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