i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize