last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
