I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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