im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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