how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
