I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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