the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize