first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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