You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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