my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize