Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
