I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
