A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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