dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
