We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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