so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
