i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
