I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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