that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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