It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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