hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
