there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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