worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
