just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
