I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
