I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
