Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
