im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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