Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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