giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So much rum. So many feels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
