dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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