I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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