Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
