Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
