Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
