oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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