Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
