I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
