I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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