a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize