I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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