Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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